Bubblegum and 7 Wandering Heroes
by Agent C.H.A.O.S
Summary: After an assassination attempt by Queen Juniper ,Princess Bubblegum must retake her kingdom with the aid from seven wandering heroes. But not all is what it seems as a dark secret hides a darker truth.
1. Prologue: Accidents

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the licensed and copy written material use in this story. All copy written material belongs to their respective owners.

Prologue: Accidents

The land of OOO was rather prosperous country, and despite being on a planet ravaged by nuclear war and magical fallout, It has thrived. Its relationship with the neighboring Equestria has been a solid foundation of trust and diplomacy since the Dark Reign of Discord and The Mushroom War. However, the world has fallen under a dark veil.

In the land of OOO, there is a place known as the Candy Kingdom. It is considered to be one of OOO's most popular kingdoms,known for being made entirely out of candy and for its kind, but firm ruler, Princess Bubblegum. Bubblegum had always been seen as someone who did not conform to every convention of being a princess. Her temper was known far and wide as being fiercer than a raging fire, yet she treated all of her citizens as her loving family. Aside from having a beautiful appearance, her intelligence and skill in science made her shine across OOO as a master scientist. Unfortunately, her luck would not last.

One day the princess was working in her laboratory when the a great tragedy occurred. She was working on a new formula, when some chemicals spilled, causing an explosion. The accident had left Bubblegum in critical condition. She managed to survive but not without consequences. The accident had caused Bubblegum to revert to her thirteen year self. Because she was viewed as unfit to rule, control of the kingdom was given to her uncle, Lemongrab. On the day that the crown was supposed to be passed, the earl never appeared. Instead, a letter appeared in his place. The letter had read, "To whom this may concern, I have found conditions in the Candy Kingdom to be UNACCEPTABLE! I will not RULE A KINGDOM THAT IS SO UNACCEPTABLE! Until the kingdom is in acceptable conditions, I will be ruling a different kingdom. Signed, the earl Lemongrab."

Unable to find a suitable replacement, the princess had suggested a that an old friend of hers rule in her stead. Juniper Lee was selected because of her know track record of keeping order as the Te Xuan Ze. She had been on a training journey for years before returning to her friend. However, upon her return Juniper had started to act differently. Her first act was to keep the princess confined to the castle, for fear of an assassination attempt on her life. Soon after, roving bands of thieves, barbarians, and bandits started to become more bold in their attacks around the kingdom and Juniper had shown an uncharacteristic indifference toward the issue. Finally, Juniper had decided to name herself queen, so that the citizens would have a figure to rally behind. Unfortunately, her ascension to the throne would serve as a harbinger to the dark times approaching.


	2. Chapter 1: Assassin

Chapter 1: Assassin

"How long has it been?" asked Bubblegum, thinking out loud.

"I'm sorry Milady?"

"I mean, how long have I been stuck in here?"

"Well milady, it has been six months since the queen took power." replied her trusted Peppermint Butler.

"Then why does it feel like six years?"

It had been six months since Juniper had taken power, and in that time Bubblegum felt betrayed by the actions of her dear friend. Having her confined to the castle was just a small sign of the changes brought to the kingdom. The queen had taken it upon herself to enact martial law to keep her citizens safe from the hordes. Unfortunately, the rising attacks outside of the walls made the once safe Cotton Candy forest, into a deathtrap for the kingdoms inhabitants. Knowing full well of what is on the other side of the wall, the princess watches as her kingdom falls around her.

"Isn't there something you can do to let me at least see what is happening to the world outside the kingdom?" asked Bubblegum, feeling like a caged bird.

"I'm afraid the best I can do is just a simple stroll out in the courtyard."

Sighing in defeat, Bubblegum agreed " At least I get to see what the new guards do when they train"

Outside in the courtyard some of the recruits where training, with questionable results. All while Bubblegum watched and met with some of her recruits, Juniper watched her from one of the windows. Little did the princess realize that the queen was thinking of ways to kill her.

Juniper rushed into her room, locking the door behind her. Once inside, Juniper approached a large mirror and called forth its dark inhabitant.

"It is very important that I contact you. It seems that once our dear princess turns back to eighteen, she would regain control of this kingdom and if that happens, everything we have worked for will mean nothing. What can be done to prevent this travesty?" Juniper inquired the mirror.

The figure in the mirror, a dark Silhouette of a hooded figure responded " If her death is what you seek, you can either do it yourself or summon someone to do this task for you"

Juniper pondered her options. "_Suspicion may be cast on me if it looks to discrete, so_ _I must hire someone who will do this. If the assassin is at least seen, suspicion would at least be cast off me. I can't afford to have my plans be ruined."_

**Later that night...**

"So, why do I have to be in some crappy fanfiction that nobodys' gonna read just because I was in a cartoon ?"

[_Because you need the money. I told you that buying that life sized replica of Bea Arthur wasn't going to be cheap and yet you still bought it. How else do you think we're going to complete the set?_]

"Stop fooling around Deadpool! I brought you here for a good reason and I will not tolerate your insubordination!"

The assassin, Known as Deadpool, stood before the queen.

"As you can see, I need you to take care of someone. Do your job and you shall be rewarded handsomely."

"Aw, you shouldn't be hitting on me. What would your people think if they saw us together?"

Annoyed, Juniper continued " I need you to kill Princess Bubblegum. Do not let what happened to her interfere with your job"

"Can I at least get a picture just to know who to off?"

[_We don't want a repeat of that one time that happened a long time ago. You know what I'm talking about.]_

Juniper shows him a current picture. Soon after, she leaves to avoid talking to Deadpool.

"Well this is going to be a problem." remarked Deadpool looking at the photo of the young princess.

[_Don't worry, I'm sure we can think of something. I think its time to call __**him**__. He'd at least know what to do.]_

" Fine. But this is the last time, I already owe him too many favors already."

[_ Later that week._]

"Since when do you do transitions?"

[_ Since I felt like like it. Also the author is kind of a hack._]

" Shhh... He'll hear you! Anyway, is everything ready?"

[ _yep._]

Deadpool had been spending his time preparing for the attempt and everything was in place. Now all that he needed to was wait. And wait. And wait some more.

"All right we get it! Just move on with it!"

**Soon...**

KABOOOM!

Explosions rocked the castle. The guards and staff started to scramble, trying to put out the fires caused by the bombs. Meanwhile, Peppermint Butler rushes into the princess' room, making sure she was safe.

"Princess, you must come with me! Something terrible is happening to the castle!"

The princess was already awake from the attack and was worried about what is happening to her kingdom.

"Please get dressed and follow me princess." ordered Peppermint Butler.

"But why? What is going on?"

" There is no time, we have to hurry!"

Soon the princess and her butler rushed through the castle corridors, fleeing to safety. They soon reach a wall. Peppermint Butler walks up to it and presses a hidden switch. A secret door opens, revealing a bundle of cloth obviously wrapped around some object.

" I was waiting to give you this until you were older, but it seems like we do not have that luxury. You cannot open this until you get to safety."

" I don't understand! What is happening?" asked the princess in a panic.

"I'll tell you what's going to happen. Lets just say that its not going to end like a Disney movie." said a silhouette from behind them.

Deadpool had finally found his mark and was prepared to end the princess' life. Suddenly, the princess' loyal butler jumped and attacks the assassin. But his efforts were in vain as the merc simply knocked him aside. The princess could only stare in shack and horror as Deadpool raised his gun and said "I'm sorry it has to be this way, but business is business. No hard feelings."

A single shot is fired and Bubblegum's world goes dark.


	3. Chapter 2: Sanctuary from the Forest

Chapter 2: Sanctuary from the forest.

It had been five days since the assassin came and tore everything asunder in the kingdom. The damage had been extensive to the main structure of the castle. The street was littered with random pieces of the candy castle. Some of the citizens had not been fortunate enough to survive when the bombs went off. As for the Queen, she had suffered minor burns and a slight concussion. While the citizens were relieved that their queen was safe, the kingdom was in mourning after finding out that the assassin murdered the princess. She had been found with a single gunshot wound in her head. As for her butler, he was silently watching her lifeless form, almost like he knew she was going to taken care of by a friend.

As for the queen, She had arranged a simple memorial service to those lost. However, while her subjects did not notice, the queen was contemplating on whether or not hiring a rouge mercenary to do the job properly.

" _Damn him. If I had know he was going to blow up half the castle and put me in the hospital, I would have never hired him. I could at least Trust him to what had to be done."_

The streets were as empty as the hearts of the citizens as they all gathered inside of the chapel. All of the citizens and a few of the neighboring royals. Most of her friends from the surrounding area were able to attend this somber occasion.

" Oh why couldn't it lumping be some one else, like that guy over there?" Wailed the Lumpy Space Princess as she pointed over to Cinnamon Bun.

Lady Rainicorn was silently weeping to herself, feeling like she failed her best friend.

The Queen, who had been silent throughout the service, had stood up. As she walked to the front of the chapel, she seemed to be in pain. Despite the pain, she started to address the crowd.

" Citizens of the Candy Kingdom. I know that this is a time for great sadness, however, we can not allow this moment to cloud our judgment. I ask of the neighboring kingdoms to aid us and join together to prevent another tragedy like this from occurring again."

The crowd was in a stunned silence, wondering why the Queen would make such an address at the funeral.

While the whole kingdom felt the loss of their princess, their mourning would be for naught.

[ Four or five nights ago]

"Well which is it?"

[Lets' just say" The night of the assassination"]

"Heh, you said ass twice."

[Yeah, I know. Hee hee hee.]

"Anyway, on with the story."

Deadpool had just escaped the castle and was arriving to the edge of the Cotton Candy Forest. The mercenary had just finished his part of the plan and was following instructions on what to do next. So far, he was carrying a large sack on his back that could easily hold his swords, guns and any other supplies that he needed.

"Why do bodies have Soooo Heavy? I mean it's one thing if it was a full grown woman, but a girl? Oh come on!" complained Deadpool as he hopped from tree to tree, carrying his cargo, not showing an ounce of subtlety.

"Hey, I'm subtle! I know when to keep my mouth shut, even if it makes everything boring."

[You do know that while you were arguing with the author, you ran into a camp full of monsters and bandits.]

Deadpool had indeed run into a camp full of bandits. The bandits, ranging from pig men to living skeletons and a few rouge candy people, had noticed the merc had been speaking to no one in particular. They had not taken too kindly to the sudden intrusion of their meal.

The leader of the group, a large pig man clad in armor made of bones and fur of random animals, stepped up to the front.

" Well what do we have here? You do realize you need to pay a toll to cross our part of the woods." the leader snorted as he greedily eyed Deadpools bag.

"Wait, could you please give me a second." said Deadpool as he took a small list of instructions and reading glasses. "Let's see... don't go into camps, avoid witnesses, and go to appointed location. Got it. Ahem..." he turned to the bandits. " Oh please don't do anything to me! I'm just a simple girl who got lost in the woods and if you do something to my gorgeous body, please be gentle." he pleaded in the most girly voice he could muster, hoping to at least lower their guards or get a cheap laugh.

The bandits turned to one another before they all had a collective laugh at the merc's expense. Deadpool did not seem offended as he joined in the laughter. As the laughter died down, Deadpool was the first to speak.

" Well I didn't think that bit would kill, so I think it would just be piling things on if I did actually kill. Anyway, have a MARVEL VS. CAPCOM 3 REFENCE!" he said as he lobbed a grenade at the leader.

Before anybody could register what had happened, the grenade went off, killing the leader and a few of his men. Not one to miss an opportunity, Deadpool pulled out his antique handguns from before The War and quickly dispatched two of the skeletons in a shower of bullets.

One of the rouge candy people rushed Deadpool from behind. However, the mercenary swiftly back flipped over him, causing him to drop his bag in the procces. The candy bandit caught the bag in his arms. However, just as swiftly as Deadpool landed, he pulled his two katanas and sliced his arms off, causing the bag to fall.

"Whoops. Don't want that to happen again, now do we?"

One lone candy bandit remained as Deadpool had single handedly killed all of his comrades in a matter of second. He tried to back away, but he managed to catch the attention of the madman.

"Thought you could get away huh? Well I would let you leave to go and tell everyone of what jus happened here, but I just don't have that luxury right now."

As soon as he finished, Deadpool rushed the candy bandit with both his swords and cut him into four different sections of candy.

Having finished his impromptu job, Deadpool walked up and carefully picked up the bag. He opened the bag to see if anything had been damaged. Deadpool sighed in relief as the contents were undamaged.

"Whoo, Wel that was a close one. Lets' just pretend this never happened ok?"

[Well I would if only I had some incentive to do so]

"Fine, lets move to the next scene before the author runs out of things to write."

[One Hour Later]

Deadpool had finally escaped the forest and all of the things he killed in there only to find himself in an open field. It had stretched for miles as a large frozen mountain can be seen in the distance. A fair distance from the entrance of the forest stood a lone treehouse. Its appearance suggests that it had not been well maintained despite obviously having some inhabitants inside. Deadpool cautiously walks up to the door before he stops right in front of it.

" I sense a feeling, like there is going to be like I might see some one I'd rather not meet again if I don't cheese it right now."

[Hold on, first we need to drop he package. I get the feeling like some other set of boxes or text will steal our spotlight.]

Deadpool quickly drops the package in front of the door. " I hope this still works." He said while messing with his belt. Suddenly, Deadpool's form disappears from sight, leaving only the package.

**Inside the treehouse**

A lone man sleeps on the sofa. He is wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. He sleeps, knowing it is only a temporary escape from what he has seen. He suddenly stirs in his sleep, his nose twitching from a familiar smell. Quickly realizing who the smell belonged to, he rushes to the door with weapons drawn. Upon opening the door, he notices the package, knowing full well that the intruder has already left.

"Huh, what the hell is this?" He carefully picks up the bag, knowing full well who left it there. After finding nothing wrong with the bag, he opens it. Inside is the unconscious body of a young princess, slightly bruised from being dropped.

"Well this is going to be a problem."


	4. Chapter 3: Getting to know ones' self

Chapter 3: Getting to know your self ( and others)

_Bubblegum did not know were she was at. Everywhere she turned, she saw nothing but a cosmic abyss. Stars twinkled everywhere around her, but she didn't recognize any constellations around her. Suddenly she noticed that her body was not right. She looked down and saw that everything about her was glowing in a fluorescent pink light coming from her. Unfortunately, she also noticed that her outfit was gone. She quickly tried to cover herself, but she remembered what an old book said about the Cosmic Realm. The light she gave off was so bright, the only thing she seemed as was a silhouette with her face attached to it._

_She looked around some more, wondering about her predicament. "Am I dead?" she asked, hoping to get a answer. _

"_**No child. You do not walk amongst the dead." **the sudden response caught Bubblegum off guard, causing her to yelp in surprise._

_Before her appeared the Cosmic Owl, the being that appears only in dreams and astral visions._

"_Oh no" Bubblegum though "This must be my Death Dream!"_

"_**Hoot, It is not your time yet. And yes I can read thoughts here." **The owl responded to an increasingly confused Princess._

"_**I'm afraid that your time here is short. But before you leave, you must know that you will make a sacrifice. What it will be and when it will happen is shrouded in mystery. Just be prepared to make it."** _

_As soon as the owl finished its warning, Bubblegum started to feel herself disappearing._

"_Wait! Isn't there anything else you can tell me?"_

_But her voice fell on deaf ears as she soon faded from the astral plane._

**Inside the Treehouse...**

Bubblegum awoke in a cold sweat, unsure of what sort of ordeal she had just gone through. What she remembered from the previous night was a blur. All that she could remember was a man in red pointing a gun at her and how everything went black. She suddenly came to realize that she wasn't in her bedroom. She first checked her self, making sure she was alright. Sighing with relief, she looked around to see where she was, finding it to be rather familiar. It was just a room with a single bed with the walls lined with trinkets, some of which were very old and not very well maintained. Off near an opening on the floor, there was an open drawer, with a blanket inside. Having her curiosity sparked, she decided to get out of bed. As she started to get up, she felt a sharp point with her foot. Wondering what that was, Bubblegum lifted the covers. What she saw would scar her almost as much as her near death experience. She saw a white coat pony with an electric blue mane, her body was covered in a red liquid. Her mouth was agape and her body was limp. The sight of the body had caused Bubblegum to scream in horror. What she did not expect was that the body started to move in a startled way after the scream.

"Huh, what's happening? Is it time for someone else shift yet?" asked the pony groggily.

The sudden awakening caused the Princess to scream even more, as she tried to escape from the now obviously alive animal.

"What was that?" a voice said from downstairs.

" Its the the Princess, she must be in trouble!" responded another voice, this time sounding familiar.

A large number of footsteps could be heard rushing up the stairs. Soon after, a group of six people stand in the doorway.

The youngest of the group speaks up first "Princess, is everything alright? I heard screaming."

The Princess, who was in the corner of the bed, shaking from her encounter with a pony, looked up to see who it was.

"Finn? Is that you?" she said, surprised to see her dear friend before her.

She jumped from the bed to give her friend a hug. Finn **(Finn the Human Age:13 Rating Righteous)** was caught off guard by the sudden display of affection, fell down with the princess on the floor. After a few moments of staying in their hug, the awkward silence, a lone dog decided to ruin the moment.

"Uhh... I hate to ruin this moment, but I think that we should explain what the Glob is going on."

**Later in the kitchen...**

after things calmed down from the scare involving a not dead pony. The group had decided that it was best to explain their situation to the Princess.

"So, Finn, Jake, Marceline, can anyone explain why there was a pony pretending to be dead sharing a bed with me." Bubblegum asked, not sounding to trilled with the prospect of being scared half to death.

The woman known as Marceline **(Marceline " The Vampire Queen" Abadeer Age: over 1000 old. Fun Fact: She just lost track of her moral code)** responded "Well, if you must know, she was trying to keep watch over you. But I'm _Sooo_

_Sorry_ that little miss perfect couldn't..."

"Marceline, that's enough! We don't need you to act like a pain in the ass,especially after what she went through." A gruff voice quickly silenced Marceline before she said anything she would regret later.

"As I was saying before, we were trying to watch over you. This little pony decided to take first watch."

"I have a name you know." replied the not so nameless pony.

"Oh, sorry about that. Bonibell, this is Vinyl Scratch. Vinyl, Bonnie."

" Sorry about the scare. BMO just likes to play hide the condiments and I sort of forgot were it was hiding. Anyway, nice to meet you." said Vinyl Scratch **(Vinyl Scratch Age: ? Aka: Dj P0n-3, oonts, oonts, oonts.)**

While she had seen a sorts of creatures, the talking pony had taken her a little aback from their first encounter. However, what surprised her most was the three other humans in the room. While seeing one human in OOO was rare, the fact that there were three more had her staring a bit more than she realized.

"So is anyone going to introduce the rest of us or are we just going to sit here." asked a young woman, sitting in a chair next to a young man around her age.

"Well, since she insisted, allow me to introduce Scott, Ramona and Logan."

"How's it going?" said Scott **(Scott Pilgrim Age:24 Rating: Still Awesome)**

"Hello" replied Ramona **(Ramona Flowers Age:25 Occupation: American Ninja Delivery Girl)**

"... hey" Logan** ( James "Wolverine" "Logan" Howlett Age: Snkit Bub Occupation: The best at what he does.) **replied.

"Well now that's out of the way, who wants an Everything Burrito?" asked a hungry Jake **(Jake the Dog Age:28 **(in magic dog years)** Powers: Stretchy)**.

Everyone's gaze turned to Jake as he broke the tension. However, everyone quickly realized that they had completely forgotten about eating.

**After the meal...**

After all of the Everything Burrito was gone, Bubblegum was curious. She had appeared in the middle of the night, stuffed into a large bag after a mad man in red thought about shooting her in the face. She wanted answers.

"Um... I'm sorry I have to ask this after having breakfast, but how did I arrive here?"

Logan was the first to answer.

"A man that I've know for years brought you here. Had he stayed long enough, I would have gutted him. He did however, leave a note. The gist of it said that he was hired to kill you."

Bubblegum gasped in surprise, wondering who would want her dead.

"He also said that he has his reasons as to why you aren't dead." Logan continued. "One other thing I need to mention. Aside from having a spare set of clothes, you arrived here with a sword wrapped in some cloth. Apparently, this thing is supposed to be your birthright or some crap like that."

Logan presented the sword to her. It was a rapier made of a combination of candy cane mixed in with some metals to increase its strength. The blade had he same swirling pattern as a candy cane, while still retaining its pointed shape. Its hilt was in the shape of an upside down y, the hilt and handle were both an elegant lavender in color.

Upon inspection, Bubblegum's eyes started to water. She remembered who had the sword made and the significance the weapon held.

"Hey PB, is something wrong?" asked a concerned Finn.

"No, I'm alright." she said wiping tears from her eyes. " Please, could we step outside? I would like to see what this could do."


	5. Chapter 4: A little story while you wait

Chapter 4: A little story while you wait

Finn had been a little surprised to hear that Bubblegum had been so eager to try out her new weapon so quickly. But Finn had also noticed that she had some tears just by looking at her reaction to the sword in front of her. He had remembered how he had a similar reaction soon after receiving his dad's sword, not that he'd ever tell Jake about it.

However Finn was taken out of his musings when Logan said " Have you ever picked up a sword like this before? No offense kid, but you don't really look like you'd last in any sort of fight."

" I'll have you know that while I was confined to the castle, I studied and trained with the guards just so I wouldn't go crazy. I am also an accomplished Whistling Choir Death Match expert." Bubblegum said offended.

"Hate to say it, but its' going to take more than fancy whistling and running around with candy to even stand survive out here."

Bubblegum was staring daggers at Logan for his remarks. Part of her wanted to lunge at him, but she knew it would be useless, so she continued to stare at him. She was about to retort to his arguments when someone spoke up.

"Now everyone, lets calm down" Said Jake, trying to calm the two down. "Look man, we don't even know what she's capable of. For all we know, she could shoot lasers or something." Jake said trying to unsuccessfully to convince Logan of her "hidden" potential.

"Look, as far as I'm concerned, she sure as hell doesn't look ready. And even if she was, someone still has a hit on her. They figure she's still alive, they damn well won't show the same mercy Wade showed." Logan said, putting his foot down.

"But.." Bubblegum tried to protest. Logan had made a good point. If she had gone outside without any precaution, she would definitely end up dead.

"Princess, he' right. I think that it would be best if you laid low for a while, with us of course." Finn **(status: bashful)** offered, blushing a little.

The Princess pondered for a moment. If someone really wanted her dead, then the only place she felt safe was with her friends. While she had no knowledge of who the rest of the strangers were, she could at least trust Finn and Jake's judgment.

"I'll do it."she said.

"Now that we've settled that matter, we have a small problem. We kind of used what was left of the food on that Everything Burrito." Scott spoke up after looking for a drink in the fridge.

"Damn it, well this just keeps getting better and better." said Logan **(status: grumpy)**

"Well, we could go out to the Grocery Kingdom to get some food." Jake said. "The only problem is that who is going to stay to protect the Princess."

As soon as those words left Jake's mouth, Finn jumped at the chance to stay with Bubblegum."I could stay with the Princess."

"I think I'll stay with Finn too. Me and the Sun aren't exactly on good terms right now." Marceline **(status: sleepy) **said heading upstairs.

"I guess I'll go too. I need a chance to stretch my hooves a little. That and I hope to find some music store." Vinyl said.

"Bring me back something nice." Marceline yelled from one of the spare rooms she was in at the tree house.

"Since you all need a guy to show you the way, I guess I'll go." said Jake.

"Well, I think I'll go too. You might end up dead if I don't go."offered Logan.

"I think It'd be best if I go. I know Scott wants to stay and work on his 'pet project'." said Ramona.

Soon after the group was assembled, they departed, leaving the Princess to be protected by a boy who was really focused on her, a sleeping vampire, and a man who is going to be distracted by his project. Soon after the group left, Finn felt it was a good idea to comfort Bubblegum while Scott went to look for some tools.

"So PB, you OK?" Finn asked, sitting on the couch.

Yeah, but its just that one old guy. Seriously, how do you put up with him?"Bubblegum answered while joining him on the couch.

"I know what you mean. But you get used to it after a while. He maybe kind of grumpy all the time, but he really knows his stuff."

as she began to think about what Logan said, Bubblegum was suddenly hit with a realization. She noticed before how many people and a pony were staying with Finn and Jake.

"Hey Finn."

"Yeah, PB?"

"I was just curious, but where did all your guests come from?"

Finn had been so focused on Bubblegum that he almost forgot about his guests.

"Well Marcie and Vinyl came over together. We found Logan in a block of ice and Scott and Ramona just appeared out of nowhere. Actually, we could ask him right now how he got here."

"HEY SCOTT!" Finn yelled to see where the Canadian was.

"WHAT?"

"DUDE, WHERE ARE YOU?"

"I'M IN THE CLOSET LOOKING FOR THAT ONE THING THE MICROWAVE WITH PIES HAD!"

"OH WELL STAY RIGHT THERE! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR!"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP AREADY! DON'T MAKE ME GO AND SUCK YOUR GUTS OUT THROUGH YOUR EYES!" yelled an irate Marceline who was just about to take her nap

"SORRY ABOU.. I mean sorry Marceline!" Finn apologized.

**A Few Minutes Later...**

"Hey Scott."

"Yeah, Finn?"

" I actually had something to ask you. How did you and your girlfriend even get here?"

"Oh... that." Scott had a look on his face for Finn to describe. He had a look that was a mix of shame, humiliation and failure.

"I kind of think this might be for another chapter." Scott replied, not wanting to bring that up.

"Excuse me Finn." said Bubblegum as she approached Scott. Using the charms she knew, she gently asked " But wouldn't it help you feel better to talk about it?"

At first, Scott tried to resist. But her sweet bubblegum charm caused him to give in to her request **(It was super effective!).**

It took Scott a little moment to gather his thoughts before he started his story.

"Well it started about three months ago..."

_**Toronto, About Three Months Ago...**_

"_It started shortly after I ,and with some help from Ramona, kicked the ass of the vilest of Rammy's ex-boyfriends." Scott explained to his young wards_ **(Really?)**_ about how he won the heart of his girlfriend._

"Did you just call your girlfriend 'Rammy'?" Bubblegum interrupted Scott's flashback.

"Shut up, I wasn't finished!"

"_Anyway, we just decided to hang out together." Scott remembered how he was with his friends._

"_I soon got the idea of trying out something called the Subspace Highway. I did all I that Ramona told me, but something bad happened. Apparently, Gideon left one last parting gift that lead us to this place." Scott started to frown at the thought of how he and Ramona ended up here._

**Back to the present...**

"And that was pretty much it."

Bubblegum watched as Scott had a depressed look on his face. "Hey, what building?" She asked with genuine curiosity. She also knew it was better to get his mind off the subject.

"Oh this? Its' just something that I found in this house. Its called a Nintendo Entertainment System and I plan to make it work."

"What does it do?"

"Short answer, it plays games"

Bubblegum had wondered why she hadn't seen BMO around. _"BMO must have felt offended an the prospect of not being played with, what with a new system being built." _

Bubblegum was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the sound of metal hit the ground.

It was starting to rain knives, daggers and other sharp objects. Scott ran to the window, wondering how knives fell from the sky. His amazement soon turned to horror when he realized what was falling from the sky.

"You think they're ok out there?" asked Scott . He knew Ramona could take care of herself, but this world was still new to them.

Bubblegum knew that they would be fine, but going outside no longer became an option.


	6. Chapter 5: What thsoe other guys?

Chapter 5: What about those other guys?

[The night of the assassination]

Deadpool had successfully teleported away from the tree house. Had he stayed, he would have aroused suspicions.

"Well that was a close one. At least I got that stupid thing to work." said Deadpool to nobody in particular. "Thank You plot convenience!"

"Now time to teleport to wherever I'm supposed to go." However, sparks started to emit from his belt, soon followed by smoke.

"DAMN YOU PLOT CONVENIENCE!"

[Well... now what?]

" I guess we could just skip ahead. Not like we were gonna do anything interesting."

[Well ok, if you insist. We were just gonna go to that one strip club near by...]

"No! Wait, We could just go without skipping..."

[Six Days Later]

Queen Juniper was in her new room. She still was not pleased with what Deadpool did in his attempt. And while his actions were successful, he still caused a lot pain and trouble for her. She turned to the lone mirror in the room. Despite being in the same room as one of the bombs, the thing still looked like it was brand new.

She was taken out of her thoughts when she heard the sound of a door opening. "Who goes there?"

"Lucy, You've got some 'splaing to do!"

Juniper couldn't help but growl angrily at the sound of the voice's owner.

"Nice to see you still up and about after I accidentally blew up the castle. I see you still go that bandage from the explosion."

"I don't have time for this Deadpool. Just take your reward and leave." she said in an exasperated tone.

"OK! You don't have to tell me twice!" Deadpool walked to a chest set on top of a table in the room. To his surprise, he saw a small sack full of gold.

[Well it's a little small for what you did.]

"Dude, what the hell is this?"

"It's your reward, minus the hospital bills and the repair costs to the castle. Oh and I hate you as well."

"Well if you're not gonna be professional about it, I guess I'll just take the rest out of..."

Before he could draw any weapons or finish his sentence, the Queen charged at the mercenary. Despite her injuries, she moved like a flash, grabbing Deadpool by his neck. With one swift motion, she slams him hard into the floor.

[Dude what just happened?]

"I don't know,(cough) but I think that it may have to do with how fast she moves. Geeze,... what did you take? The Uroboros Virus... or something?" Deadpool strained out as the grip of Juniper's hand tightened around his throat.

"If you are done, I think it is time for you to leave." She said releasing her grip on Deadpool.

"(cough) Just for the record ,(hack) I let you get the drop on me..." said Deadpool, rubbing his throat.

Deadpool picked up his gold bag, disgruntled at how he was not paid properly for his job.

As soon as he left, Juniper turned to the Mirror. "Spirit, awaken."she called. "I need to know if everything goes as planned."

"If you must know, there is one flaw in the plan. The Mercenary has to do with it. Deal with it." replied the Hooded Spirit in the Mirror

"As you say, Spirit."

The Spirit soon disappears from view. Juniper looks out the window._ "It seems that our 'dear' mercenary left out a few details out. Well, I guess we just need someone else who could get this job done."_

[A few miles away.]

"Geeze, I wonder what's got her undies in a bunch?" Deadpool said as he strode away from the castle.

[Maybe she's still mad about her show getting canceled.]

"Maybe, I mean if her show was any good, it'd probably get a new season."

[Shhhh..., they'll hear you. Besides, the good ones get canned too.]

After a few, precious moments of silence, Deadpool stops on a tree branch.

[Hee, hee, hee]

"What's so funny?" asked Deadpool to no one in particular.

[ DP got his ass handed...]

" Hey! Like I said, I let her win!"

[Sure you did. Just like you let Squirrel Girl win.]

"Hey shut up! Lets just keep going with the story."

[Are you still mad?]

"None of your business, jerk."he pouted.

**Back with Jake, Five days earlier...**

Jake was carrying two people on his back. Although one had bones full of metal, his large size made it easy to carry his passengers. To his left, a single pony with sunglasses trotted next to him, whistling a simple tune.

The silence between the three of them was getting to be awkward. Logan and Ramona just kept exchanging glances. Jake noticed this and decided to break the tension.

"Hey Logan, I've been wondering. Why are you called 'The Best at what you do?'"

Logan sat there for a moment, almost like he was remembering something. "I've got Six Reasons why. Do you really need to ask?" pointing out his natural gift for pain.

Jake, knowing not to pry in too much, decided to just drop the subject. **(Reality: He's afraid of the six reasons.)**

"So, how's that song coming along, Vinyl?" trying to change the subject.

"That? Well I've got something, but I'm just missing something to make it work."

"Well, do you need any help?"

"Well, maybe... we'll see."

As Jake and Vinyl were discussing her new song, Ramona and Logan sat there staring at the sky. Bored out of her mind, Ramona pulls a lighter and a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket.**( Kids, Don't Smoke!)** She takes a cigarette, lights it and takes a drag from it.

"You smoke?" Logan's voice broke her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, why? Not like there's much to do. "

"Actually, mind if I bum one? I'd kill for one right now." Logan said in a joking tone.

Not wanting if he was serious about his remark, she handed him the pack with the lighter. He took a long drag from the cigarette.

"You do know that if my boyfriend was here, he'd be drooling all over the ground you walked on."

"Like he already doesn't do that at the fort."

"Well I think it has to do with the fact that he's really meeting one of his idols. Even if you're not real where we come from."

Logan pondered at what Ramona said. The thought of a world where he and everything he did were just the work of make-believe made him somewhat uneasy. However, he was not one to contemplate about alternate existences and the like.

"Hey you two, we're almost there." said Jake, alerting the two on his back.

**(A few hours later...)**

The walk back was more tense that before. Jake was pulling a large cart full of food. Despite the fact that they had enough food to feed an army for a month, his powers made it easy to pull the cart. However, the look on his face betrayed any sense of joy he had pulling the food. Vinyl and Ramona had uneasy looks on them as well. The news that they heard made things for them and the Princess more complicated than they needed to be. Logan was thinking about what their next would be.

Upon reaching the other side of the hill, the group saw something that shocked them. Finn and Bubblegum sat on what appeared to be the bodies of a cat wearing a lab coat and a shark. Both had signs that they went through a struggle and huge grins on their faces. Finn had a few scrapes and cuts, while the Princess had her hair disheveled and her dress damaged in various places.

"Scott, what the hell happened while we were gone?" asked Ramona in disbelief.

Scott, who was sitting on the porch with BMO, had a stupefied look on his face. "You missed it." he said in a strangely calm voice

"I think its best to sit down and just explain things. She's pretty scrappy for a princess by the way." Marceline said, coming out of the house with an umbrella. The look on her face tells the others about how much stuff went down in their absence.


	7. Chapter 6: While you were out

Chapter 5: While you were out...

Logan was not one to be surprised easily. When he was, it either pissed him off or made him act a little bit more pleasant **( Just a tiny bit though.)**

"So care to tell us what happened, or are ya gonna stand there with that stupid smirk on your face?" Logan said, just as curious as the rest of the group.

"I was just about to get there." Marceline said. "It started about an hour after you left..."

"Wait." asked Jake "Weren't you asleep earlier?"

"It's kind of hard to sleep when it rains knives. It's also hard to explain what happened if you keep interrupting me..." Marceline hissed.

"Oh... sorry."

"As I was saying..."

**About an Hour after the group left...**

The house was a little quiet. The falling knives made it a death sentence to anyone how dared to venture outside and the lack of a certain robot made things inside boring. However, three people inside found a way to deal with the current situation.

"So... do you have that thingy that pie robot had earlier?" asked Scott, wanting to occupy his time by fixing his contraption.**(Scott's Nintendo Skillz: High.)**

"Oh that? It's right here." Finn gave him a soldering iron. "Hey Scott, do you actually know how to fix this?"

"Well... no." Scott sighed**(Scott's Nintendo Repair Skill: Very Low)**__

As much as it pained him to admit it, The closest Scott knew about fixing a game was to blow on the cartridge.

"Well if there's anyone who could help you, It's definitely Peebles." Finn suggested.

Bubblegum watched the game console with interest. She had never seen any sort of machine of the sort. She reached for the game when she noticed the corner of a small screen poke out from behind the wall.

The little screen looked familiar to her. "Hey BMO, is that you?" she called out.

A surprised cry and the tiny footfalls of the machine could all be heard from behind the wall.

"Wait!" she called out. She ran after it. Despite its best efforts, she soon caught up with BMO.

It took a few moments for BMO to recognize the Princess in her current form. "Princess?, Is that you?"

"Yeah..."

"What happened?"

"Well to tell the truth, I had an accident. It's not so bad though." After a brief pause, Bubblegum spoke up again. "So BMO, Why have you been hiding? Does it have to do with what Finn is helping Scott with?"

BMO's silence was all the Princess needed to confirm her suspicions.

"Please don't take this the wrong way, it just two boys trying to fix something."

"I know, but it means something different for a game console." BMO sniffled a little

Not knowing what else to do Bubblegum picked up the game and hugged it. " I know you must be scared, but you shouldn't worry. We will treat you like you are one of us." she said, trying to cheer up the little machine.

"Thank you Princess."

After their little talk, the two go and help Scott with his project.

**A Few Hours Later...**

After spending time with the Nintendo, the storm finally stopped. The four had finally made a breakthrough with the repairs. All that was needed to test it was a cartridge.

"So how do play this? Does it have any games built in or what?" Finn asked, wondering about the game.

"Well you need a little cartridge like this one..." Scott said while reaching for a game. After feeling around for a few minutes, he realized something was off. Realizing what was missing, he frantically searched around the room, trying to find a game to test the Nintendo with. **(Scott's Status: Dopey)**

After a few moments of looking, his search turned up nothing. "I've got nothing." Scott said, downcast of his lack of findings.

A sudden knock on the door snapped the Canadian slacker out of his mood. Wondering who could it be, Scott opened the door. Standing in the doorway was a Very Large Shark, patiently waiting for someone.

The sight of a Very Large Shark **(Age: Du Dun... Rating: Dun Dun...) **standing caused the Canadian to stand very still. After a few moments, the shark started to speak in some strange shark language.

Not knowing what to do, All Scott could do was think.

**(Inside Scott's Head...)**

**Reasons Why not to stay near land shark:**

**1: SHARKS EAT PEOPLE!**

**2: SHARK THAT WALKS ON LAND!**

**3: SHARKS+KIDS= BAD!**

**Reasons to fight a Land Shark:**

**1: PUNCHING THE $#!& OUT OF A SHARK!**

**2: YOU'LL BE AS COOL AS WOLVERINE!**

**3: BRAGGING RIGHTS!**

While Scott contemplated on what to do with the shark, Finn noticed what his guest was talking to. Finn, worried what the Shark would do, deiced to intervene.

"Is it four o'clock already?" asked Finn. The Shark simply nodded. A cat in a white lab coat stands next to the Shark, waiting patiently.

"Hey what's going on here? It got too quiet all of a sudden." Marceline asked as she floated down the stairs.

Bubblegum stood behind the two as she wondered what Finn meant by "four o'clock".

Soon enough, Finn grabbed his Demon Blood Sword and stepped outside. Bubblegum, Scott ,Marceline, and BMO quickly followed. Not wanting to be caught off guard, Bubblegum grabbed her sword, while Marceline grabbed her ax bass and an umbrella.

Outside the Tree House, Finn Stood before the Shark and Science Cat, Ready for a fight. The others waited on the stoop, wondering what would happen next.

"Hey wait! Is he going to fight you both?" asked Scott. Having never encountered the Shark and Science Cat before, he wanted to know what was going on.

"Uh.. yeah. I usually fight them while Jake's off with his girlfriend."

"But isn't kind of unfair?"

"Well... there hasn't been anything I couldn't handle before."

"How about one of us helps you out? I mean to make it fair?" Scott said, eagerly waiting his chance to fight a Shark.

"Well... OK I guess?" Finn said, not really sure about someone helping him.

"How about me?" asked Bubblegum with a determined look on her face.

Everyone looked at her in some state of shock or surprise. The idea of the Princess being in danger, much less fighting, was enough to make Finn object.

"Wait, what? Princess you can't do that!"

"Why not? You said you were willing to receive help and I'm just offering it."

"But you don't understand, you could get hurt and stuff!"

"But Finn, I just can't stand by anymore! I don't want to just let you and everyone else fight for me!" Bubblegum said, remembering Logan's words.

Finn was trying to think of a way to dissuade her, but he knew that any attempts to do so would be met with resistance.

"Come on Finn, its not like she's going to fight a huge dragon or something. Besides, we can just lend a hand if things get to bad." Marceline said.

"Just give her a chance." Scott said, despite wanting to fight The Shark.

"Fine... just please promise me that you'll be careful." Finn sighed in defeat.

"I will."

Soon the two stood against their opponents. Finn is going up against the Land Shark while Bubblegum faces the Science Cat **( Age:? I.Q.: More than yours.)**. The onlookers stayed silent, waiting to see who would make the first move. Bubblegum took a traditional fencing stance as she stared down her opponent.

The Science Cat made the first move by throwing a beaker at The Princess' feet. The Princess barely dodged the beaker as it shattered on the ground. She was not quick enough as some of the liquid splashed on the hem of her dress. It soon began to eat away at her dress.

Bubblegum did not fret, as she knew that amount of the acidic liquid would not do much damage to her. She countered by swinging her blade at the cat. The Cat swiftly dodged the blade and swiped at the girl. Bubblegum hissed in pain as the Cat's claws managed to make contact on her belly.

"Princess!" Finn yelled out as he was busy blocking The Shark's blade. It pained him to see Bubblegum under attack, but he had to worry about his own opponent. Finn pushed The Shark away and proceeded to swing his blade at The Shark. The boy's confidence started to wane as he felt like he failed to protect one of his dear friend.

During the fight, Scott and Marceline watched the fight. Scott focused on The Shark, small tears welling in his eyes. Marceline rolled her eyes at Scott and his desire to fight a shark. She knew that if she stepped over to help Bonnibel, it would just prove Logan's point. As much as she may have her differences with Bubblegum, she could see her desire to fight.

Bubblegum had not been use to being attacked. She was supporting herself on her sword contemplating her next move. Logan's words kept repeating in her head, pushing her to find a way to defeat the cat before her. She stood up, not knowing what to do. Suddenly, she wondered one thing, what would Finn do in this situation. Inspiration came to her as she threw her sword right at The Cat.

The Cat, not expecting the bold move, has the blade impaled into his shoulder. As The Cat tried to remove the sword from his arm, Bubblegum saw her opening and charged at the animal with clenched fists. With all the force she could muster, she swung her fist right into The Cat's face, causing him to fall to the ground.

All eyes fell on the young girl as she stood over the cat, rubbing her fist to ease the pain of the impact. Scott's eyes went wide after seeing her punch out a cat. Marceline nodded her head in approval . As for Finn, if he wasn't fighting, he would have said how mathematical her technique was.

The Cat stood up, finally pulling out the sword from his arm, hissed at The Princess. Finally fed up with the fight, rushed at her with claws ready to tear into her. Startled by the sudden attack, Bubblegum stumbled to her feet and fell on her back. The attack missed her, leaving her an opening for a counterattack.

Picking up her sword, she prepared to charge at her opponent. The Cat prepared himself to intercept her attack. The two stared each other, ready for their showdown. The Cat lunged at Bubblegum, claws ready to rip into her. Seeing an opening, she slashed at The Cat.

Bubblegum stood for a moment before she collapsed onto one knee. Her shoulder had been impaled with the claws, the claws cutting off a piece of her sleeve. She held her shoulder to stop her bleeding. The Cat stood for a few moments before collapsing completely.

The Shark stood in shock, seeing his ally fall in battle to a dainty girl. Finn used the distraction to punch the distracted Shark hard in the nose. The hard blow sent The Shark stumbling down onto The Cat, causing them both to faint. The battle was over and the two young fighters took the chance to rest.

**Back to the present...**

"And that's what happened. Other than a few cuts and bruises, they'll be alright." Marceline had finished telling the others of what they missed. While the events did surprise them, this did not make them feel any better about what they were about to tell The Princess.

"Well that's all well and good, but I think that you need to hear this." Logan said "Princess you've been declared dead."


	8. Chapter 7: Gather your bearings

Chapter 7: Gather your bearings

It had taken a few moments for Bubblegum a few moments register what she had heard. She would have asked if Logan was joking,but one look at his face told her everything.

"Where did you hear this from?" she asked still trying to make sense of what she heard.

"Well... uh... We kind of heard the news from all over the Grocery Kingdom." Jake said.

She had hoped that the news was some sort of cruel joke, but she remembered that someone actually tried to shoot her dead. A fearful look spread over her face as she knew what it meant to her and her kingdom.

"But why would someone fake my death?" she asked still trying to make sense of it all. "And why would... someon..e.." She started to slur her words. In her shock of the moment, she had forgotten about her injuries.

She started to collapse when a pair of arms caught her. Finn had been fast enough to react to Bubblegum's fall. Not knowing what else to do, he said "Everyone clear out! We need to get her inside now!" in a worried tone.

Not wasting a moment, the group went inside to see what they could do to help the injured.

Inside of the treehouse, Finn set The Princess down on the nearest couch. Marceline floated to his right while Jake stood to his left. "What do we do know?" asked Finn in a panicked state.

"Calm Down Dude!" Jake said as he slapped Finn across the face.

"Ow! What the heck dog!"

"Sorry, it looked like you were gonna lose it there." Jake said, slapping Finn once more to calm him down.

"OW! Jake!"

"Sorry, had to make sure you weren't gonna go cray-cray on me. Anyways, how do we fix her?"

"I think I know." Marceline spoke up. "I saw her do this once when she accidentally cut her hand once."

"Well, what is it?" asked Finn.

"Well for starters, go to the kitchen and fetch me something red. While your at it, get me a bag of sugar" Marceline ordered.

Finn did what he was told, though not fully understanding why the vampire would eat at a time like this. He soon emerged with a sack of sugar and a red apple, giving both to her.

"OK, for the next part, I'm gonna need all the boys to get out. That means you, Finn" Marceline said while sucking the color out of the apple. "Besides, you don look so good either."

Although Finn's injuries weren't as bad as The Princess', he knew it was best to leave with the others to treat his wounds.

**A few hours later...**

Finn was not always a patient person. The fact that Bubblegum was in the other room made him more antsy than usual. While the others found ways to keep busy, Finn just sat next to Jake. Finn had a few bandages on his body, the fight with the shark had caused more damage than he realized. Jake had decided to play BMO with Scott, while Logan was fixing an old radio while drinking a beer.

"Hey Finn, come play some BMO, it'll help you keep your mind off Bubblegum." said Jake.

""No thanks dude."

"Aw come on. It gets kind of boring playing with only two dudes."

"Just don't feel like it"

"Aw come on. Besides, what worrying gonna do anyway?"

"Fine... I guess." Finn said, knowing what else to do.

"Well it's settled then, you get to play winner then."

After a few rounds on BMO, Marceline finally floated into the room. She had a bored look on her face and a sudden desire to eat anything red. She hovered over to the fridge. Finn had noticed her decent and followed her to find out anything to calm him down.

"Well, is she OK?" Finn asked, trying not to sound too desperate, and failing.

"Who, Bonnie? Yeah, she's OK. She's been sleeping for a while now." Marceline answered.

"Well, can we see her?"

"Sure, but can I at least get a bite to eat?"

**Upstairs... **

Finn and the others arrived to see Bubblegum sitting up in bed. Ramona and Vinyl were chatting with her, when they noticed the others walk in. She was wearing her night shirt and had bandages to cover her wounds. Finn looked down at his feet, almost like he was trying to avoid eye contact.

"As you can see, she fine. Some small cuts and a little blood loss, but nothing some rest can't handle."Marceline said.

"Hey, Bubblegum, How are you feelin'?" asked Jake.

"I'm OK, I have to take it easy for a while though." Bubblegum said reassuring the group.

"Well glad you feel that way, because you aren't going anywhere for a while." Said Logan

"Wait, what?" Finn asked, wondering what he meant. " What do you mean she can't go anywhere?"

"If you need ask, then you aren't as bright as I thought you were."

Finn frowned at Logan's words.

"We know that someone put a hit on the Princess and everyone thinks she's dead. If they see her walking about, whoever did this is going to put another hit out on her."

Finn couldn't deny what Logan said. If they wanted to keep her safe, they would nave to keep her hidden.

"Now If we're done here' I think that its best to just let Bonnie rest." Marceline said.

After saying their farewells, the others left her alone to rest. She would need her rest for the upcoming times.

**Five Days Later...**

Five Days had passed without incident. The group had taken the time to get to know the Princess and each other a little better. Today was special occasion. It was the day of Princess Bubblegum's "funeral". Finn and Jake had gone off to see what kind of damage was done and how the citizens of the Candy Kingdom were coping to the "death" of their ruler.

Bubblegum sat in the den, looking over a journal she had filled with notes. While she wasn't able to go out due to her injuries and her safety, she at least wanted to find something to occupy her time. The others had also used the time to occupy themselves, waiting for the return of the boy and his dog.

Logan was drinking a beer, staring out the window, with a frown on his face. Marceline and Vinyl where listening to some old records Finn had, while Scott slept with his head on his girlfriend's lap. Ramona had decided to make use of her time researching a way back to their home.

The sound of the door opening drew the attention of the others **(Except Scott. Still sleeping for some reason)**. Finn had returned from the funeral, a look of sadness and disappointment was on his face. He climbed up the ladder to see all eyes on him.

"So how did it go?" Vinyl was the first to ask.

"Not good. They wouldn't even let me or Jake go in."

"What, but why not? Don't the care about what you two did for the Kingdom and its citizens?" Asked Bubblegum, curious as to why they weren't allowed to attend.

"The guards simply said that we would just make everyone mad and junk. So we just waited outside until everyone left."

"Hey, where is Jake anyway?" asked Vinyl.

"Jake? He went over to Lady's house, said something about comforting his lady." Finn winced at the memory of how all the people coming out of the "funeral" looked at both of them. A mixture of sadness, anger, and betrayal stung him like a swarm of bees that needed to sting.

"Well cheer up, Bonnie's still alive and she needs her hero to be in good spirits. And besides, even if the people think she's dead, you just keep your chin up." Marceline offered. Even though she had trouble expressing certain emotions, Finn knew that she would help him.

[Meanwhile with Deadpool]

Deadpool woke up on an icy cold floor. the room was dark, but he could make out the shapes of the objects in the room. In the room ,he saw what appeared to be a large blanket made of fur and some bars that blocked the way out.

[Uhg... what the hell did we do last night? It feels like that one time The Hulk used us as a jumping off point for his stand-up act.]

"Damn, what did I drink last night, and where can I get some more?" said Deadpool.

[Please stop talking until the healing kicks in.]

"wow, never thought I'd see the boxes tell me to shut up. But seriously, where the hell are we?"

As Deadpool stood up, he started to feel cold for some reason. Looking down, he saw that made him so cold. He quickly looked for anything that could give him his reflection and saw what the results of what happened last night.

"You know what author, I F*&*ing hate you right now."

Deadpool was wearing a white hat with rabbit ears over his mask. Instead of his usual red and black suit, he was wearing a blue long sleeved shirt that was clearly meant for a young woman and a darker blue mini-skirt with socks that reached to his knees.

[If I could wolf whistle right now, I'd be making Tex Avery's ghost proud.]

A faint groan caught Deadpool's attention. He turned around and saw the blanket move. the "blanket" soon stood upright and let out a yawn. The "blanket" stood in the light to reveal an old man standing in what looked like underwear made of rags.

"If we did what we think we did, I'm going to do something to the author that that legally can't be printed on this site."

[You mean write Archie Fanfiction?]

**Omake: Logan and Bubblegum**

Bubblegum sat in her bed. The fight with that cat took its toll on her young body and would take some time to recover. She sat in silence, berating herself when she heard the sound of someone's throat clearing. Logan was standing in the doorway with a serious look in his eye.

"Oh, I didn't notice you standing there. So did you come here to gloat or to criticize me." she said bitterly.

"You got sloppy out there" Logan started. "But you also showed some spirit out there."

"So you think that I'm not that bad?"

"What I'm sayin' is that you need watch yourself. By the way, keep proving me wrong and I might just start to like you."

"Oh... Well thank you." She said. He may not have been one of the most expressive people she's met, but her past experiences taught her that not everyone is very vocal.


	9. Chapter 8: Deadpool presents

Chapter 8: Deadpool presents the next chapter

"OK, so we just left the last chapter with me dressed like some sort of cosplayer." Deadpool asked to no one in particular.

[Yeah, so what's your point? It's not like you haven't dress up in skirts before.]

"Yeah, but how did I end up in what looks like Santa's Secret Naughty Dungeon with Santa anyway?" Deadpool said pointing to a blue skinned old man with a long beard in what looked like his underwear.

"Hey Fionna, Who are you talking to?" asked "Santa"

"Now listen, I want answers, like why I didn't get that box set of The Lord of the Rings along with that Burger King mask I wanted for Christmas. But more to the point, how the hell did I end up here with you Santa.?"

"Now hold on just one bit! Who's this 'Santa' you keep blathering on about? I'm the Ice King!"

"OK then Ice King, if that is your real name, tell me what we did last night or I'm going to make your next five seconds want to beg for death before I actually kill you. And there better not be any M-Rated adult stuff, this is a T-Rated thing you know" Deadpool said as he pointed a large knife with dried blood on it.

"W-well, since you put it that way, It all started two days after the Princess' funeral..." The Ice King started nervously.

[FLASHBACK TIME]

It had been a few hours since the mercenary was paid for his job, and he was anything but happy. He had successfully pulled off a fake assassination and managed to trick a whole land's population that a princess was dead and he walked away with a less than impressive payoff, a bruised throat from the queen and an even more bruised ego. The only thing left for him to do was to go to the seediest bar outside of the Candy Kingdom and drink down his worries.

"Well this sucks. I manage to something good for someone and I get my ass kicked. This is what those hippies must feel like everyday."

[Aw come on, you need to cheer up. Remember that game about you that coming out?]

"Yeah, yeah. But I feel that this calls for something to numb the pain."

[Well if your gonna be that way, then I won't tell you who I see.]

"If it gets this story moving, tell me."

[It's Santa Claus!]

"Santa? Where!?"

Deadpool leaped from his bar stool as he frantically searched for his favorite holiday figure. After searching the room with his eyes, he spots a man sporting a large beard sitting at the bar, crying over his drink.

"Hey Santa, why so sad? Did the Mrs. finally leave you or what?" Deadpool asked as he sat down next to the bearded man.

The bearded man stared at him briefly before turning back to his drink. "Aw, don't be that way. I'm just trying to lend a shoulder."

[Dude, you're just trying to kiss some ass just so you can be on Santa's nice list]

"Shut it!" Deadpool said to none in particular. "Anyway, whats wrong? Did some one die or what?"

As soon as those words left his mouth, the man started to sob uncontrollably.

"Did I say something wrong?"

[Hey, you don't think he's upset about what you did a week ago?]

"Ooohhh... that. Whelp, ain't going to help if I tell him so barkeep, give me two of your strongest drink mixed with your second strongest drink with ice cubes made of your third strongest drink. Also, give Saint Nick here whatever he wants."

The Bartender saw what Deadpool was doing the whole evening, but decided to ignore his antics in case the man became violent. He went to the back and after a few minutes, he stepped out with the drinks in hand.

"Well, if this drink doesn't help you, then you haven't had enough" Deadpool said as he drank his first beverage.

[Tree bore brinks later, or somthin']

"So I says to the guy, Guy If you want to be taken serious, you need to stop looking like you came out of Aquaman's lady parts." Deadpool said to the man now known as the Ice King.

The Ice King was laughing as the merc continued his ranting.

"Anyway, how about I tell ya about the time I dressed up as Marvel Girl or this one time in band camp..."

[Wait, was I supposed to keep track of the drinks or something?]

"Well This is a song that I like to sing whenever I feel like I need to liven up something, and it goes a little something like this..." Deadpool said on top of the bar. He lifted up his mask before he said "BLEARGGGHHHHHH!" as he threw up on a nearby waitress.

"Whoops, sorry 'bout that. Guess its time for me to drink some more booze and see where it goes."

[Can we hurry this up now, I'm running out of clever things to say]

"Fine. Hey Santa, wanna blow this taco stand and look for an actual taco stand?"

The Ice King, who was slightly tipsy, slurred "How about we go back to my place and read fanfictions and crank call people and play truth or dare."

"OK!"

[Finally, I thought this flashback would never end]

"And hats' basically all that happened at the bar, OK?" The Ice King said finishing his anecdote.

"Well explain to me why the hell I ended up like I'm in some sort of slash fanfiction. And so help you whatever God you worship, if we actually did anything slashy, I'm going to flat out kill you and steal your crown. GOT THAT." Deadpool pointed a gun at the old man's head to emphasize his point.

" I swear we didn't do anything!" Ice King said in fear "all I did was dare you to put on women's clothing and you dared me to take off my robe. After that you started to crank call that queen and told her very mean things."

"Then why are we here!?" Deadpool said as he throttled the Ice King.

"Because you said to go hereeee..." Ice King said with tears now flowing from his eyes.

"Oh" The old man was now crying on the floor. "Say Santa sorry about not believing you, but how about we don't talk about what happened here?"

Suddenly, a tone started to play in the next room.

"Aw, damn it! Hold on, I need to take this." The mercenary left the old king to cry and thank Glob he didn't die.

Deadpool left to the next room, his clothes spread all over the Ice King's room. "Geez, its eerie how much this reminds me of home."

[I kno rite? Anyway, there's your phone, over those drums.]

Deadpool approached the drum kit, finding his phone right on top of one of the cymbals. Oddly enough, his phone looked like it still worked despite the sheer cold of the room.

[Hey, why do you still have an iPhone? More importantly, how does it still work even thought all of the phone companies where blown straight to hell?]

"Plot convenience, now pipe down, I got's me a text"

The text read: _Dear Mr./Ms. _Deadpool_, It has come to our attention that you have that you have failed to fulfill a recent contract involving _One Princess. _While we acknowledge your service to the Guild of Assassins, we feel that swift and harsh punishment is in order. Your services with the Guild of __Assassins, have been terminated and an assassin will be sent to your location. Please have a nice day and enjoy what is left of your life._

_P.S.: In light of your condition, we will not be able to terminate you, per se. however your contract will still be terminated and punishment will still be dealt. Please have a nice day._

"Well, Sh.."

[Hey, hey, hey, watch that language. Besides, don't you have any more "credits"?]

As if to answer an unasked question, the phone began to ring with a new message. It read: _Dear Mr./Ms. _Deadpool_, In regard to your standing, you have (0) pardon(s) remaining._

"Well, this sucks worse than the average episode of any MTV show."

[Not counting Beavis and Butt-head]

"I'm bored now. I think I'm gonna tempt fate here and say 'how could this possibly get any worse?'"

The universe seemed intent on answering all of the mercenary's questions as an exploding wall knocked him off his feet. Shards of ice were sent throughout the room, destroying all of the furniture in the room.

"What was that?!" asked the Ice King, curious as to what caused the explosion. He left the cell and saw the damage caused by the explosion. Needless to say, the old man was not too happy.

Before he could say anything, a large figure stepped out of the mist. His face was covered in a cloth, letting his fiery eyes be the only visible feature on his face. Flames seemed to engulf his hands as he slowly made his way toward Deadpool.

"So, he a friend of yours or what?" Asked Deadpool, curious to who their "guest" was before them.

"Well... I did hire him once. Hey Scorcher, you're not here to kill me, are you?"

All Scorcher did was stare at the two before him the sight of those two in their compromising position was enough to give him pause. However, this did not last long as Scorcher shot a large fireball at the two.

Deadpool tackled the Ice King to the ground, keeping the both of them from getting burned.

"Well this guy seems fun. Too bad the author's too much of a lazy ass to write this fight."

**Omake: Scott Pilgrim V.s. The Shark**

Part of him knew this moment was inevitable. Ever since he saw the beast, he knew he had to punch the crap out of it. Now it had come down to this.

Scott was on one knee, breathing heavily. The Shark had proven to be a harder opponent to face than he planned. If he didn't think of something soon, he would never live it down, if he lived long enough to do so.

A sudden flash of inspiration hit Scott as he remembered what Wallace once said **(Not Really)**.

He quickly ran at the shark, swiftly dodging it's sword swings. He jumped into the air and brought down his foot right on the shark's nose, disorienting it. Taking advantage of the shark's dizziness, he punched it in the face.

**K.O.!**

Scott stood in triumph, a grin crossing his features.

**Scott Pilgrim Levered Up!**

**Scott's Rating: Shark Puncher/Badass**

**Heart: +3**

**Guts: +4**

**Balls: +4**

Scott walked over to the treehouse, a small group of people watching his fight. He walked up to Ramona, expecting her to give him a kiss.

"Scott, are you retarded or something?" She said angrily at him.

Scott looked at her with a blank expression as she continued to verbally tear into her boyfriend.

"Why the hell would you bet me to a shark in a fight to the death anyway? What would've happened if you died again?"

"But I didn't die."

"Meant, what if you did? If risking your life to prove some sort of stupid point is more important, you can just sleep on the floor with your man-crush." With that, Ramona stomped into the house.

**(Ramona used "Ball Busting". Scott's Balls: -5)**

Scott could only stare as she walked away. He knew he had to make it up to her. The problem was how he would do it without looking like a tool.

**(Scott's rating: Dumbass)**


End file.
